Relationships – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

February 13, 2026February 14, 2026

THERE ARE NO HARD AND FAST RULES

Black and grey background with the words: Learning Safely.

Is it too early in the year for a controversial topic? I did hold off until February, but this one has been nagging me.

If you’ve been around a while, you may have noticed I don’t approach things the way a lot of BDSM/Lifestyle blogs do. They focus on ideal situations, on best case scenarios, and they often give the impression that everyone should automatically be taking what they think is the safest path.

I used to read plenty of them, and I would get so frustrated because I couldn’t relate to any of it. It wasn’t what I saw at parties and clubs. It wasn’t what I lived and what other kinky friends were living.

January 30, 2026January 14, 2026

ROMANCE BOOKS ARE NOT REALITY

There are two major problems that come up with how people relate to romance novels.

People go crazy over a popular novel and start trying to incorporate the things from the book into their life, without doing proper research first.
People get angry because things in a novel aren’t realistic enough in them.

January 9, 2026January 9, 2026

COMMON MISTAKES: TAKING ON TOO MUCH

While I’ve been on hiatus here for the past month, deep in Krampus writing/editing, I’ve been adding to my list of article ideas. I’m constantly on the lookout for quick and easy ideas, because as you’ve noticed… most of my articles are pretty long by blog standards.

I like to get very in-depth on subjects. (My books reflect that too. I’m big on backstory, plot, and detail.) I also like to give examples, so that people who are new to all of this can understand a little easier.

So, it’s hard for me to come up with quick blog ideas to fill in between the longer ones. And often what I think will be a short topic… isn’t. Oops.

November 7, 2025November 7, 2025

WHAT IS A ‘POWER DYNAMIC’?

sky background with question marks that says Umm... what?

I use the phrase ‘power dynamic’, or just ‘dynamic’ a lot in my articles, because when it comes to BDSM relationships, power and who holds it, is a huge part of everything. When you submit, you choose to give up your power to a dominant partner. When you enter a D/s relationship you are entering a power exchange where you negotiate which partner holds the authority and what the limits of that authority would be.

But recently in a book group I saw someone ask what the phrase ‘power dynamic’ meant. I realized I’d never really defined it here.

IS BDSM ALWAYS ABOUT PAIN?

The belief that BDSM always includes pain is a common misconception. People who are curious about BDSM, new to exploring, or have only read/seen it in fiction tend to think that everything about BDSM hurts, either mentally or physically. And it’s true that there are a lot of kinky activities that do include some level of pain.