Submissive Life – Page 2 – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

December 13, 2024November 22, 2024

HOW OLD IS TOO OLD FOR THE LIFESTYLE?

Black and grey background with the words: Learning Safely.

When I entered the scene, years ago, I was young, barely an adult. I was about twenty the first time I played with someone. Twenty-one when I went to my first party. I was prepared for all of it, luckily, because I’d been reading everything I could find online about The Scene, Kink, and BDSM since I first got my own computer.

There weren’t a ton of sources to be honest, not factual ones anyway. Not non-fiction websites and pages that I could go to for real information. However, since the moment the Internet existed, kinky people have been posting spanking fiction on it. And that I found plenty of.

November 22, 2024November 18, 2024

DO YOU HAVE TO BE A LITTLE TO HAVE A DADDY/MOMMY DOM

I see this question pop up a lot since Daddies/Mommies/DDlg relationships/ Littles have become slightly more mainstream. These roles have long been misunderstood.

People are starting to be more accepting of such dynamics now, but as that happens, we see many who are confused about what the terms mean, or what that kind of relationship would look like. And there are a lot of people who love the idea of a Daddy Dom… but don’t love the idea of ageplay or acting younger. It makes them feel uncomfortable.

We’re going to clear up a few misconceptions about these relationships, but first we’ll start with some basic definitions to make sure we’re all on the same page.

Please remember that most roles in the BDSM world mean exactly what the identifying people want them to mean, so it can be hard to pin down specific definitions. My definitions, or the commonly accepted definitions, may not fit you or your dynamic exactly.

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July 26, 2024July 20, 2024

THE DIFFICULT JOURNEY TO LEARNING HOW TO SAY NO 2/2- LETTING YOUR SUBMISSIVE SIDE HELP

Last week we talked about basic skills that can help you learn to say no to people in your life. These are the basic tools that you can use anywhere, in any situation, and are just, in general, really good things to practice.

Today we’re going to focus more specifically on the BDSM side of things, but keep in mind that the skills in Part One can still be helpful in kink situations because they are easily adaptable. This part is just more BDSM centered and is going to be more nuanced.

I’ve always said that BDSM can help your life if you are engaged in healthy dynamics, and this is another aspect of that. It might sound counterintuitive, but your submissive inclinations can be used to keep you from spreading yourself too thin.

Part Two— Letting your submissive side help.

We’re going to talk about some different mindsets that might help you focus on your decisions, so you’re not obeying on autopilot. The goal is for you to make the choice to submit, and I’m going to be honest, submission feels more satisfying when you choose to do it.

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July 19, 2024July 19, 2024

THE DIFFICULT JOURNEY TO LEARNING HOW TO SAY NO 1/2

(Note: I had intended for this to be one piece, but it’s a difficult issue and it’s gone much longer than I had planned. So I’m breaking it in half and Part One and Part Two will be posted in consecutive weeks.)

Saying no is an important part of setting personal boundaries, and as we all know, boundaries and limits are essential for a healthy life, and not just in the Scene. It’s a skill that you will need in all aspects of your life.

But many of us with submissive personalities have trouble with this. It runs contrary to our basic nature. While it’s natural for most people to decline things they don’t want to do… for submissives it’s a whole different level of difficulty.

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June 21, 2024June 21, 2024

THE DANGER OF HAVING A SUBMISSIVE PERSONALITY

There are those who choose to submit in a D/s dynamic or scene because they enjoy it, but are not otherwise submissive. These people who submit for pleasure, tend to have a pretty healthy understanding of when submission is appropriate.

Bedroom submissives, among others, fall into this category. They probably won’t be wearing a collar in public, outside of a Scene venue. They probably won’t be letting their kink partners make long lists of rules for them either.

Some of the subbiest people in the scene I’ve ever met have very powerful, dominant roles in the outside world. They are fine with being in charge, submission during their off hours is just a relief.

They might be judges or doctors, or managers who boss around a whole building full of people, and they have absolutely no problem doing that… and then setting it aside when it’s time to play. Submission may feel natural to them, in a specific place, with a certain person, but they don’t go through life constantly bending to suit other people.

They are good at setting boundaries because they limit their submission to kink, and don’t allow it to impact the rest of their life. In other words, these are people who only submit when and where they choose.

But today we’re going to talk about another kind of submissive. Those who are submissive by nature, by personality. It’s not necessarily a kink thing, though they can also choose to submit as part of the scene.

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