bdsm – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

November 7, 2025November 7, 2025

WHAT IS A ‘POWER DYNAMIC’?

sky background with question marks that says Umm... what?

I use the phrase ‘power dynamic’, or just ‘dynamic’ a lot in my articles, because when it comes to BDSM relationships, power and who holds it, is a huge part of everything. When you submit, you choose to give up your power to a dominant partner. When you enter a D/s relationship you are entering a power exchange where you negotiate which partner holds the authority and what the limits of that authority would be.

But recently in a book group I saw someone ask what the phrase ‘power dynamic’ meant. I realized I’d never really defined it here.

IS BDSM ALWAYS ABOUT PAIN?

The belief that BDSM always includes pain is a common misconception. People who are curious about BDSM, new to exploring, or have only read/seen it in fiction tend to think that everything about BDSM hurts, either mentally or physically. And it’s true that there are a lot of kinky activities that do include some level of pain.

July 7, 2025July 20, 2025

THERE IS MORE THAN ONE KIND OF DADDY DYNAMIC OUT THERE

Not all Daddies are the same.

I can never say this enough, but DDLG is not the only Daddy-style dynamic out there. It’s become very popular, so we see a lot of Daddy Doms, especially in kinky fiction, but it’s important to remember that not all Daddies are DDLG.

WHAT IS FINANCIAL DOMINATION (FINDOM)?

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There have always been relationships that are built on financial considerations. One example, historically, would be the bride price. The prospective groom (or his family) would pay the bride’s family for his wife. This was considered the norm in many cultures, and is different from a dowry, which was a much more complicated transaction.

JUST ASK!

There is a stereotype out there, that says women don’t ask for what they want. They dance around, and hint, and never actually just spit out a request. It leaves the men fumbling around trying to figure things out, and failing because they’ve been given no information to work with.

Yeah… It’s not true.

Sure, there are people who do this, but it doesn’t really have anything to do with gender. If I was going to make this about gender, I might say I notice it more with men, because they were always told they weren’t supposed to have needs. Needs aren’t manly. So expressing any is just really hard.

Or worse…some were taught that men don’t ask, they take.

But this isn’t about gender.

It is about submissives though.