Safety – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

February 13, 2026February 14, 2026

THERE ARE NO HARD AND FAST RULES

Black and grey background with the words: Learning Safely.

Is it too early in the year for a controversial topic? I did hold off until February, but this one has been nagging me.

If you’ve been around a while, you may have noticed I don’t approach things the way a lot of BDSM/Lifestyle blogs do. They focus on ideal situations, on best case scenarios, and they often give the impression that everyone should automatically be taking what they think is the safest path.

I used to read plenty of them, and I would get so frustrated because I couldn’t relate to any of it. It wasn’t what I saw at parties and clubs. It wasn’t what I lived and what other kinky friends were living.

July 25, 2025July 20, 2025

NOT ALL EXPERIENCE IS EQUAL

I realize the title may sound a little judgmental, but it’s not meant to be. Hold on with me for a few minutes, and I’ll explain. When it comes to life, we have, what I like to call, narrow experience and wide experience.

SPOTTERS—KEEPING YOU SAFE, WHEN YOU CAN’T

A couple months back, I mentioned the concept of Spotters, and at that time I made a note to write an article about it, so I added it to the idea pile. Last month I had an e-mail asking for more information, so I moved it up to the top of the list.

This is your reminder that if you have ideas for things you’d like me to write about, or if I mention something you would like more information on, you can always use the contact button to e-mail me. It helps to know what readers are interested in, and I often plan based on that.

But let’s discuss Spotters.

February 7, 2025February 17, 2025

DISABILITY AND KINK

This is a subject that really doesn’t need a long, complicated article. It’s actually pretty simple, but it is a topic that needs to be talked about more. As we go into this, please realize that people prefer different words to describe these things, and it can be a sensitive subject.

People with disabilities and impairments exist, and many of them are kinky. I don’t know why this comes as a surprise to some people, but it does.

July 26, 2024July 20, 2024

THE DIFFICULT JOURNEY TO LEARNING HOW TO SAY NO 2/2- LETTING YOUR SUBMISSIVE SIDE HELP

Last week we talked about basic skills that can help you learn to say no to people in your life. These are the basic tools that you can use anywhere, in any situation, and are just, in general, really good things to practice.

Today we’re going to focus more specifically on the BDSM side of things, but keep in mind that the skills in Part One can still be helpful in kink situations because they are easily adaptable. This part is just more BDSM centered and is going to be more nuanced.

I’ve always said that BDSM can help your life if you are engaged in healthy dynamics, and this is another aspect of that. It might sound counterintuitive, but your submissive inclinations can be used to keep you from spreading yourself too thin.

Part Two— Letting your submissive side help.

We’re going to talk about some different mindsets that might help you focus on your decisions, so you’re not obeying on autopilot. The goal is for you to make the choice to submit, and I’m going to be honest, submission feels more satisfying when you choose to do it.