Safety – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

July 25, 2025July 20, 2025

NOT ALL EXPERIENCE IS EQUAL

Black and grey background with the words: Learning Safely.

I realize the title may sound a little judgmental, but it’s not meant to be. Hold on with me for a few minutes, and I’ll explain. When it comes to life, we have, what I like to call, narrow experience and wide experience.

SPOTTERS—KEEPING YOU SAFE, WHEN YOU CAN’T

A couple months back, I mentioned the concept of Spotters, and at that time I made a note to write an article about it, so I added it to the idea pile. Last month I had an e-mail asking for more information, so I moved it up to the top of the list.

This is your reminder that if you have ideas for things you’d like me to write about, or if I mention something you would like more information on, you can always use the contact button to e-mail me. It helps to know what readers are interested in, and I often plan based on that.

But let’s discuss Spotters.

February 7, 2025February 17, 2025

DISABILITY AND KINK

This is a subject that really doesn’t need a long, complicated article. It’s actually pretty simple, but it is a topic that needs to be talked about more. As we go into this, please realize that people prefer different words to describe these things, and it can be a sensitive subject.

People with disabilities and impairments exist, and many of them are kinky. I don’t know why this comes as a surprise to some people, but it does.

July 26, 2024July 20, 2024

THE DIFFICULT JOURNEY TO LEARNING HOW TO SAY NO 2/2- LETTING YOUR SUBMISSIVE SIDE HELP

Last week we talked about basic skills that can help you learn to say no to people in your life. These are the basic tools that you can use anywhere, in any situation, and are just, in general, really good things to practice.

Today we’re going to focus more specifically on the BDSM side of things, but keep in mind that the skills in Part One can still be helpful in kink situations because they are easily adaptable. This part is just more BDSM centered and is going to be more nuanced.

I’ve always said that BDSM can help your life if you are engaged in healthy dynamics, and this is another aspect of that. It might sound counterintuitive, but your submissive inclinations can be used to keep you from spreading yourself too thin.

Part Two— Letting your submissive side help.

We’re going to talk about some different mindsets that might help you focus on your decisions, so you’re not obeying on autopilot. The goal is for you to make the choice to submit, and I’m going to be honest, submission feels more satisfying when you choose to do it.

THE DANGER OF HAVING A SUBMISSIVE PERSONALITY

There are those who choose to submit in a D/s dynamic or scene because they enjoy it, but are not otherwise submissive. These people who submit for pleasure, tend to have a pretty healthy understanding of when submission is appropriate.

Bedroom submissives, among others, fall into this category. They probably won’t be wearing a collar in public, outside of a Scene venue. They probably won’t be letting their kink partners make long lists of rules for them either.

Some of the subbiest people in the scene I’ve ever met have very powerful, dominant roles in the outside world. They are fine with being in charge, submission during their off hours is just a relief.

They might be judges or doctors, or managers who boss around a whole building full of people, and they have absolutely no problem doing that… and then setting it aside when it’s time to play. Submission may feel natural to them, in a specific place, with a certain person, but they don’t go through life constantly bending to suit other people.

They are good at setting boundaries because they limit their submission to kink, and don’t allow it to impact the rest of their life. In other words, these are people who only submit when and where they choose.

But today we’re going to talk about another kind of submissive. Those who are submissive by nature, by personality. It’s not necessarily a kink thing, though they can also choose to submit as part of the scene.