submissive – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

September 12, 2025September 5, 2025

HELP FOR THE HELPLESS SUBS (AND EVERYONE ELSE)

Let me start by saying that BDSM submissives aren’t really helpless. In fact, some of the strongest people I know are submissives, and they are real fighters. Being submissive never automatically means you need someone to take care of you. I know submissives who run companies, who are lawyers, doctors… so yeah, your orientation in the D/s world really doesn’t affect how strong you are, or your ability to take care of yourself.

However, for certain people, submission goes beyond a D/s dynamic. It’s their core personality, and that may, or may not, be combined with a D/s orientation.

June 16, 2023June 12, 2023

Growing Up Kinky: Finally Finding Some Non-Fiction Information on BDSM.

Fiction is pretty much always the gateway to kink when kids are growing up, I think. I mean no kids are out there stumbling across instruction manuals for BDSM. They see the cartoons with everyone getting spanked, the old sitcoms with wives getting punished.

Then you have the more modern shows where both men and woman get spanked, but usually now in sexy situations instead of discipline. Maybe they see some spankings in old kid’s books, or read stories about it happening—and that’s how they find out that there is something weirdly compelling about all of it.

It’s weird being kinky as a kid because you can literally hate being punished—and avoid it at all costs, but then… seeing someone else get punished is just completely enthralling and you don’t know why.

February 10, 2023January 29, 2023

‘Subs Have All the Power’ is Wrong and We Should Stop Using It

It feels like we haven’t had a controversial topic in a while, but this one has been on my list for a couple of years. I’m going to say this will probably only sound controversial until you read what I have to say and think about it for a minute.

I’m going to explain why I absolutely detest the phrase ‘The subs have all the power in a D/s relationship.’ So, sit back and buckle up because this is going to be a ride.

In the days when kink was still a hush-hush ‘don’t let the neighbors know kind of thing’, you know, before it got kicked into mainstream by 50Shades, this phrase was used as the default to explain why BDSM was not abuse. It couldn’t possibly be abuse because subs have alllll the power.

How do you abuse someone who is actually sneakily, despite what it looks like, the real boss? You can’t, of course.

October 9, 2020October 3, 2020

BDSM and Self Harm Part One (TW: Self Harm)

This is part one of a pretty heavy topic, but one that I think could be really useful to some people right now. And because of the emotional nature of the theme, breaking it into a lot of sections is difficult so this first piece is very long.

This blog doesn’t usually dive into mental illness, or unhealthy coping mechanisms. That’s not my focus; I’m here about the kinky lifestyle. However, it’s impossible to ignore the cross-over and at times there will be topics that get into that—this is one of them.

October 2, 2020October 2, 2020

Sub Frenzy

Someone recently asked a question in a comment on my Sub Drop post. They wanted to know about sub frenzy and I realized it’s a topic I haven’t covered before. It’s not actually even a phrase I hear mentioned very often. Which is crazy because it accurately describes a situation that every sub goes through at one time or another.

I think it’s not well known yet because the term has only been around for a few years. At least, I never heard the term until a few years ago. Anyway, I gave them a quick answer at the time, but promised to expand later because it really needed a full article. Continue reading “Sub Frenzy”