Kessily Lewel

November 22, 2024November 18, 2024

DO YOU HAVE TO BE A LITTLE TO HAVE A DADDY/MOMMY DOM

I see this question pop up a lot since Daddies/Mommies/DDlg relationships/ Littles have become slightly more mainstream. These roles have long been misunderstood.

People are starting to be more accepting of such dynamics now, but as that happens, we see many who are confused about what the terms mean, or what that kind of relationship would look like. And there are a lot of people who love the idea of a Daddy Dom… but don’t love the idea of ageplay or acting younger. It makes them feel uncomfortable.

We’re going to clear up a few misconceptions about these relationships, but first we’ll start with some basic definitions to make sure we’re all on the same page.

Please remember that most roles in the BDSM world mean exactly what the identifying people want them to mean, so it can be hard to pin down specific definitions. My definitions, or the commonly accepted definitions, may not fit you or your dynamic exactly.

DOM, DOMME, OR DOMINATRIX?

Let’s talk about the FemDom side of BDSM.

There are a lot of Dominant women in the BDSM world, more every year, I’d say. I was lucky that some of my earliest events were run by women, so I started off thinking it was entirely normal to have a large number of female Dominants around.

I later found that to be a little misleading. They are there… but typically at most events and clubs I find the number of male Dominants vastly outweighs the female. This, along with… shall we say, ‘historical views on women’ means that sometimes the female Doms don’t get as much respect as they should.

September 27, 2024September 16, 2024

DON’T MENTION YOU’RE KINKY UNTIL AFTER THREE DATES?? ARE YOU SERIOUS??

sky background with question marks that says Umm... what?

I waffled over the title of this one for a while, but you’ll see in a minute why I chose this.

There was a time when most people had to hide kink, even from their spouses. That obviously led to marrying vanilla people because…well, they didn’t talk about it before they were married. Sometimes you got lucky and found out later you were both kinky.

Usually you didn’t.

That led to an eventual choice for many people: sneak around to get your needs met, try to convert a vanilla spouse to kinky, or deny those needs for the length of your marriage. When I was still new to the scene, I met a lot of people who were just trying out the lifestyle in their 50’s, because they were widowed and finally free to do so.

I think we can all agree that no one wants to go back to that.

However, some recent posts and comments I’ve seen in a Facebook group took me by surprise. There seems to be an idea there, that when trying to date someone it is disrespectful to bring up kink until later, perhaps after multiple dates. I believe this is because they equate BDSM with sex and are trying to keep potential dates from making things sexual too early.

September 20, 2024September 20, 2024

Updates- Sorry Things Have Been Quiet

I know things have been quieter here over the summer. I’ve only posted a couple of educational articles, because I have been swamped in deadlines. And it was a busy summer!

Let me catch you up on what’s going on with me and what’s next on the agenda.

August 23, 2024August 20, 2024

KINKY MEMORIES: THE REN FAIRE

For those of you who are kinky and have gone to Ren Faires, you know that they are excellent places to let your kinky side show a tiny bit. Obviously, we’re not talking full-fledged exposure or anything, but when it comes to your clothing choices… well, leather is encouraged.

Collars, cuffs, and even the occasional flogger hanging from your belt are not out of place there. And as if to encourage the kinky crowd, you’ll find that many Ren Faires have stocks set up, not just for display, but to be used. Most people get in them for fun photos. “Oh, Look. I’m in the stocks for being bad! Hahaha”