Submissive Life – Page 3 – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

May 31, 2024May 21, 2024

The Naked Autograph Story

I don’t have anything serious ready for this week, so I thought I’d just tell you a funny story. Someone brought this up the other day and said I should put it on the blog. Since I don’t believe I’ve ever told the story here, I figured I might as well.

I tend to only talk about my own experiences as a way to give examples of situations, since this blog isn’t really about my personal life. It’s more about helping people learn about the D/s lifestyle and BDSM– and occasionally reminding people that I make my living from my books.

But I do have some fun stories from my time in the kink world and this is one that always makes me laugh when I think about it.

When Boundaries and Limits Conflict

So, a couple weeks ago, we talked about whether withholding affection was abusive or not. The topic came up, as many do here, because of a question I saw online. In this case, there was a book scene where the Daddy withheld affection from the Little as punishment, and it seemed abusive to some readers.

I covered that topic pretty thoroughly, I think, and you can read it here: Is Withholding Affection as Punishment Abuse?

But to sum it up… it really depends on the people involved and what their limits are. It’s easy to view things through a lens of our own experiences, but what looks like abuse to you… might be perfectly fine for someone else. Everyone tolerates different things.

I mentioned at the time that I had a perfect example of this, and I was going to discuss it in a separate post, because it combined well with another topic—and here we are.

April 12, 2024April 12, 2024

Is Withholding Affection As Punishment Abuse?

I want to start off by reminding you of something. A punishment (or any activity really) may be a limit for you. It might upset you to even think about someone receiving this punishment, because it triggers you. But that doesn’t mean the punishment itself is abusive or wrong.

Every relationship is different because people are different and what they can tolerate varies. So, punishments cannot be the same across the board. I know people who love to be spanked, but will not accept it as punishment.

I mean spanking is pretty much the most standard basic punishment you can think of in a D/s relationship… but for some people it’s a limit. Why? Well, in one case I know it’s because she loves spanking and doesn’t ever want it to be tainted with any negative feelings. It’s arousing and she wants it to stay that way.

January 12, 2024January 2, 2024

No Limits

Black and grey background with the words: Learning Safely.

I saw a series of memes going by on Facebook the other day that grabbed my attention for a second. Before I could read through them the page refreshed and took them away and they were gone, but it did remind me of something I want to talk about.

Limits.

Or rather… lack of limits.

But let’s start with the definition of a limit.

We have soft limits and hard limits, and the definitions are slightly different.

“Don’t Hit Girls!” (Getting Your Partner to be Rougher)

This post is mostly going to focus on women with male partners. It might apply to other relationship dynamics, but one question I see asked a lot, mostly by women with male partners, is: “How do I get my husband/boyfriend to be rougher with me? He’s always afraid he’ll hurt me.”