Things Every Kinky Person Should Know When Trying Bondage

So just a forewarning to start with: bondage is not my number one kink. I like it, but for me it’s a side kink that goes with all the other stuff. It’s a way to restrain while spanking or doing other things, more than exciting on its own.

Which isn’t to say I haven’t had my share of bondage adventures. It’s just that if you are looking for extremely detailed how-tos you will probably find better examples on other blogs. People who are realllly into bondage will be happy to walk you through every knot, every style, and every type of bondage there is.

What I want to give you is some brief advice about safety in bondage from my own experience. Especially for people who are just beginning to explore.

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How Do I Bring Up the Topic of Kink with My Partner?

Boy, did this use to be a huge issue! Don’t get me wrong, it can still be difficult now, but it’s a lot easier than it used to be.

I can’t tell you the number of people in the lifestyle I knew who simply never got the courage to tell their partner about their need for kink. Some of them denied themselves for most of their lives because of that fear.

I literally know widows and widowers who never got a chance to explore until their spouse of many years passed on. There are a surprising number older newbies in the scene for this exact reason.

Others made the decision to explore outside of their marriage and keep it secret. There were lots of justifications for this and in some cases, you can totally understand why they made that choice.

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What Is Something Every New Submissive Exploring a Kinky Lifestyle Needs to Know?

Someone asked me this question a while back and I made a note of it (as I do) for the blog. When people ask me things it generally means other people are out there with the same questions. I figure that makes it good content to write about.

So, if there was just one thing I could tell a brand-new subby who is just starting to dip their toes in the kink pool, it would be this:

Don’t settle. Don’t rush. Don’t let loneliness, or need, push you into accepting the first Top/Dom who looks interested. Don’t let your inner bully tell you that you can’t do better and that if you don’t snatch them up you’ll never find someone.

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Can I Have a Dom Outside of a Vanilla Relationship? Part Two

So last week I talked a little about my experience with the lifestyle and how I’ve always had Doms outside of my romantic relationships. I came at the question from the experience of someone who has no reason not to look outside my marriage when I want or need something, because I’m poly and have known it since I was a teenager.

But not everyone is in a relationship where things are more open. Some people go into a marriage or partnership planning to only have one person in their life, but when your needs don’t match that can be a problem.

Continue reading “Can I Have a Dom Outside of a Vanilla Relationship? Part Two”