D/s dynamics – Page 2 – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

May 9, 2025April 18, 2025

JUST ASK!

There is a stereotype out there, that says women don’t ask for what they want. They dance around, and hint, and never actually just spit out a request. It leaves the men fumbling around trying to figure things out, and failing because they’ve been given no information to work with.

Yeah… It’s not true.

Sure, there are people who do this, but it doesn’t really have anything to do with gender. If I was going to make this about gender, I might say I notice it more with men, because they were always told they weren’t supposed to have needs. Needs aren’t manly. So expressing any is just really hard.

Or worse…some were taught that men don’t ask, they take.

But this isn’t about gender.

It is about submissives though.

April 11, 2025April 11, 2025

BEING LITTLE DURING SCARY TIMES

For a Little, the ability to slip into a younger mindset, and bring their inner child out into the world to play can be a gift. It is a way to escape stress, relax, and just have fun. For people who have to be in control too much, it’s a way of forcing themselves to let go.

If you normally struggle to let other people take care of you, being in Little space can suddenly make it easier for you to accept help. Most Littles, by their nature, enjoy being indulged and cared for, at least to a certain extent. That’s really what the Little experience is about. Letting go of control, and allowing someone else to look after you for a while.

February 28, 2025August 22, 2025

WHAT DOES BEING COLLARED MEAN?

This seems like a pretty basic question on the surface, but when you dive deep, you find it’s a lot more complex. And, as with many things in the Scene, the meaning depends on the people involved.

Simply put, a collar is usually defined as a band that you wear around your throat. It can be made from almost any material: lace, leather, metal, velvet. And by itself it doesn’t need to have any sort of meaning.

December 13, 2024November 22, 2024

HOW OLD IS TOO OLD FOR THE LIFESTYLE?

Black and grey background with the words: Learning Safely.

When I entered the scene, years ago, I was young, barely an adult. I was about twenty the first time I played with someone. Twenty-one when I went to my first party. I was prepared for all of it, luckily, because I’d been reading everything I could find online about The Scene, Kink, and BDSM since I first got my own computer.

There weren’t a ton of sources to be honest, not factual ones anyway. Not non-fiction websites and pages that I could go to for real information. However, since the moment the Internet existed, kinky people have been posting spanking fiction on it. And that I found plenty of.

November 22, 2024November 18, 2024

DO YOU HAVE TO BE A LITTLE TO HAVE A DADDY/MOMMY DOM

I see this question pop up a lot since Daddies/Mommies/DDlg relationships/ Littles have become slightly more mainstream. These roles have long been misunderstood.

People are starting to be more accepting of such dynamics now, but as that happens, we see many who are confused about what the terms mean, or what that kind of relationship would look like. And there are a lot of people who love the idea of a Daddy Dom… but don’t love the idea of ageplay or acting younger. It makes them feel uncomfortable.

We’re going to clear up a few misconceptions about these relationships, but first we’ll start with some basic definitions to make sure we’re all on the same page.

Please remember that most roles in the BDSM world mean exactly what the identifying people want them to mean, so it can be hard to pin down specific definitions. My definitions, or the commonly accepted definitions, may not fit you or your dynamic exactly.