Can I Have a Dom Outside of a Vanilla Relationship? Part Two

So last week I talked a little about my experience with the lifestyle and how I’ve always had Doms outside of my romantic relationships. I came at the question from the experience of someone who has no reason not to look outside my marriage when I want or need something, because I’m poly and have known it since I was a teenager.

But not everyone is in a relationship where things are more open. Some people go into a marriage or partnership planning to only have one person in their life, but when your needs don’t match that can be a problem.

Continue reading “Can I Have a Dom Outside of a Vanilla Relationship? Part Two”

Can You Have A Dom Outside of a Vanilla Relationship? Part 1

Even though we’re going to be discussing Doms for the most part, there is really more to this question. Basically, what it’s asking is: If I need something I can’t get in my marriage, is it okay to find it elsewhere.

This stemmed from an email I received last week with the question in the title, but as I started thinking about it, I realized that is a small part of a much bigger conversation. And there’s a lot there that I’m not going to get into because it’s out of my focus.

Continue reading “Can You Have A Dom Outside of a Vanilla Relationship? Part 1”

So … What Is a Little?

I thought that since Littles are one group that is commonly misunderstood, I’d try to do a few posts on them. Also, since I do have one book series with a character who is exploring being a Little, I’ve had a lot of questions about it recently.

I need to start with a few disclaimers.

I’ll begin by saying stigmatizing consensual kink is detrimental to the health and well-being of kinky people. All kinky people and not just the ones you are stigmatizing.

Continue reading “So … What Is a Little?”

Manage Your Expectations

This article has been on my mind for a while now, but I’ve had trouble getting the words right. Usually if I wait long enough things will more-or-less form up in my head and then I can spill them out in one long whoosh.

That didn’t seem to be happening with this one and then I realized it was because I was working with the wrong title.

I started out with: Subs Are Not Children. And that’s true. Even if the sub identifies as a Little or a Brat, they aren’t children. The distinction between a childish headspace and a child is hugely important for many reasons.

But that’s not really what I want to discuss right now, so I gave it a title that more accurately reflects what I was trying to say: Manage your expectations. That is nice and compact, but it’s also a bit vague.

Continue reading “Manage Your Expectations”