Submissive Life – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

April 24, 2026April 17, 2026

TRUSTING TOO SOON

Putting all your trust in a partner too soon is a mistake that I think most of us have made at one time or another. I think going too deep too fast is even more common in D/s relationships, for reasons we’ll get into in a minute.

I saw a kink meme the other day that said (paraphrased), “You should never play with someone the first time you meet. Wait until you’ve known them for a while, met them in person, and trust them completely.” And I think… that’s great advice. But I also think it’s unrealistic for a lot of people.

September 12, 2025September 5, 2025

HELP FOR THE HELPLESS SUBS (AND EVERYONE ELSE)

Let me start by saying that BDSM submissives aren’t really helpless. In fact, some of the strongest people I know are submissives, and they are real fighters. Being submissive never automatically means you need someone to take care of you. I know submissives who run companies, who are lawyers, doctors… so yeah, your orientation in the D/s world really doesn’t affect how strong you are, or your ability to take care of yourself.

However, for certain people, submission goes beyond a D/s dynamic. It’s their core personality, and that may, or may not, be combined with a D/s orientation.

May 23, 2025July 20, 2025

WHAT IS FINANCIAL DOMINATION (FINDOM)?

Black and grey background with the words: Learning Safely.

There have always been relationships that are built on financial considerations. One example, historically, would be the bride price. The prospective groom (or his family) would pay the bride’s family for his wife. This was considered the norm in many cultures, and is different from a dowry, which was a much more complicated transaction.

JUST ASK!

There is a stereotype out there, that says women don’t ask for what they want. They dance around, and hint, and never actually just spit out a request. It leaves the men fumbling around trying to figure things out, and failing because they’ve been given no information to work with.

Yeah… It’s not true.

Sure, there are people who do this, but it doesn’t really have anything to do with gender. If I was going to make this about gender, I might say I notice it more with men, because they were always told they weren’t supposed to have needs. Needs aren’t manly. So expressing any is just really hard.

Or worse…some were taught that men don’t ask, they take.

But this isn’t about gender.

It is about submissives though.

February 28, 2025August 22, 2025

WHAT DOES BEING COLLARED MEAN?

This seems like a pretty basic question on the surface, but when you dive deep, you find it’s a lot more complex. And, as with many things in the Scene, the meaning depends on the people involved.

Simply put, a collar is usually defined as a band that you wear around your throat. It can be made from almost any material: lace, leather, metal, velvet. And by itself it doesn’t need to have any sort of meaning.