Submissive Life – Page 5 – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

May 5, 2023April 27, 2023

Topping From The Bottom – Part Two

So last week we discussed topping from the bottom. I described what it was, and why it’s often not such horrible thing. But what we didn’t discuss is how to tell the difference between communication and topping from the bottom.

As I’ve said, sometimes Doms confuse asking for things with topping from the bottom. Those are two very different things. There is nothing wrong with asking for what you want. Communication is the sign of a healthy relationship.

So…

April 28, 2023May 1, 2023

Topping From The Bottom – Part One

Let’s talk about topping from the bottom. If you search the topic online, you’ll pull up tons of articles saying why it’s B-A-D.

This accusation has been leveled at subs, of all types, for decades, but what does it actually mean? Are you doing it without being aware? Is it really a huge problem?

This is a big topic with a lot of facets to discuss so I’ll be breaking it up into two sections.

What is Topping from the bottom?

March 10, 2023March 5, 2023

I Hate Canes and That’s Okay!

You can probably guess what this article is about from the title, but it’s not just about canes. It’s also about past trauma, baggage, and phobias.

When we entire the scene, very few of us come in with a blank slate. Even if we’ve never played in a BDSM context before, there are still things in our past that will affect how we react to certain things in scenes.

But what does that have to do with canes?

Well… I know a lot of people who adore canes. The sensations, they say, are exquisite, and they will go into great detail about why canes are the ideal spanking toy. You’d think, listening, that the cane is able to transport you to another world… and for some people it can do that.

‘Subs Have All the Power’ is Wrong and We Should Stop Using It

It feels like we haven’t had a controversial topic in a while, but this one has been on my list for a couple of years. I’m going to say this will probably only sound controversial until you read what I have to say and think about it for a minute.

I’m going to explain why I absolutely detest the phrase ‘The subs have all the power in a D/s relationship.’ So, sit back and buckle up because this is going to be a ride.

In the days when kink was still a hush-hush ‘don’t let the neighbors know kind of thing’, you know, before it got kicked into mainstream by 50Shades, this phrase was used as the default to explain why BDSM was not abuse. It couldn’t possibly be abuse because subs have alllll the power.

How do you abuse someone who is actually sneakily, despite what it looks like, the real boss? You can’t, of course.

January 27, 2023June 4, 2023

Exploring a Kink Relationship Safely (Part Three): Red Flags

In the first part of this series we discussed how the Scene has changed positively with the past couple of generations coming in, and how popular media has also changed things. We discussed abusive dynamics and why it’s a good idea to avoid them.

You can find the whole article here: Exploring a Kink Relationship Safely (Part One)

In part two we talked about abusers, important questions to ask of a new Dominant, and conversation techniques you can use to make sure you’re talking to someone who will be healthy for you.

You can find the whole article here: Exploring a Kink Relationship Safely (Part Two) Important Questions and Conversation Techniques

Now we’re going to discuss red flags. The hard part here isn’t always spotting red flags… sometimes it’s acting on them. I think most of us know a warning when we see it. If not the first one, then by the third or fourth we’re definitely starting to be aware of a pattern.