Kessily Lewel

February 10, 2023January 29, 2023

‘Subs Have All the Power’ is Wrong and We Should Stop Using It

It feels like we haven’t had a controversial topic in a while, but this one has been on my list for a couple of years. I’m going to say this will probably only sound controversial until you read what I have to say and think about it for a minute.

I’m going to explain why I absolutely detest the phrase ‘The subs have all the power in a D/s relationship.’ So, sit back and buckle up because this is going to be a ride.

In the days when kink was still a hush-hush ‘don’t let the neighbors know kind of thing’, you know, before it got kicked into mainstream by 50Shades, this phrase was used as the default to explain why BDSM was not abuse. It couldn’t possibly be abuse because subs have alllll the power.

How do you abuse someone who is actually sneakily, despite what it looks like, the real boss? You can’t, of course.

February 3, 2023February 3, 2023

Goose Daddy Is Done!

As some of you may know, I’ve been working on a story for the Dirty Daddies Spring Anthology. I hadn’t expected to be invited to participate again so soon, since they like to bring in new blood with each book, but apparently, they thought this theme was in my wheelhouse.

And I admit I was excited. Since this one is supposed to be filled with humor my first thought was to go with my goose shifter. I absolutely intend to eventually do a full goose shifter book, maybe a series, but so far, I haven’t had the chance.

I did start with a historical anthology last year where I introduced the Brood family back in the 1700’s and then segued to the 1800’s with a trio of Brood brothers and their mail order bride. I had a lot of fun with it, and I’d love to go back and expand on that someday, but historical didn’t feel right for this.

So now we’re meeting the modern descendent of the family: Gavin Brood and I’m excited to see what people think of him and the woman he falls for, Gabrielle Daly.

Now, during the plotting of this it got a little off the rails with some hysterical scenes, which I still want to do! But I was encouraged to hold back somewhat. That’s okay though, because someday when I flesh this story out, I have a lot of wickedly amusing ideas to incorporate.

For now, we have a mostly light-hearted story with a decent amount of humor and the beginnings of a beautiful romance between two kindred souls and I’m happy with that.

Here’s a little teaser….

January 27, 2023June 4, 2023

Exploring a Kink Relationship Safely (Part Three): Red Flags

In the first part of this series we discussed how the Scene has changed positively with the past couple of generations coming in, and how popular media has also changed things. We discussed abusive dynamics and why it’s a good idea to avoid them.

You can find the whole article here: Exploring a Kink Relationship Safely (Part One)

In part two we talked about abusers, important questions to ask of a new Dominant, and conversation techniques you can use to make sure you’re talking to someone who will be healthy for you.

You can find the whole article here: Exploring a Kink Relationship Safely (Part Two) Important Questions and Conversation Techniques

Now we’re going to discuss red flags. The hard part here isn’t always spotting red flags… sometimes it’s acting on them. I think most of us know a warning when we see it. If not the first one, then by the third or fourth we’re definitely starting to be aware of a pattern.

January 20, 2023June 4, 2023

Updated Files

I thought I’d break up the serious topics with an update since I haven’t posted one so far this year. I am trying to make an effort to post more frequently. Readers have said they prefer blogs who post at least once a week.

The problem, of course, is that I’m a full-time writer of books, which have to take priority because that’s how I pay the bills. So, I’m making an effort to post more in general, but weekly probably won’t continue for too long.

January 13, 2023January 29, 2023

Exploring a Kink Relationship Safely (Part Two): Important Questions and Conversation Techniques

In part one we discussed how the Scene has changed positively with the past couple of generations coming in, and how popular media has also changed things, not always for the positive. We discussed abusive dynamics and the damage they can cause to your future relationships.

You can find the whole article here: https://kessilylewel.com/2023/01/06/exploring-a-kink-relationship-safely-part-one/

Now we’re going to discuss important questions you should be asking in the very early stages of talking with a potential play partner, as well as how you should be bringing up these questions to get the most honest results.