BDSM Scene Stuff – Page 10 – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

January 13, 2023January 29, 2023

Exploring a Kink Relationship Safely (Part Two): Important Questions and Conversation Techniques

In part one we discussed how the Scene has changed positively with the past couple of generations coming in, and how popular media has also changed things, not always for the positive. We discussed abusive dynamics and the damage they can cause to your future relationships.

You can find the whole article here: https://kessilylewel.com/2023/01/06/exploring-a-kink-relationship-safely-part-one/

Now we’re going to discuss important questions you should be asking in the very early stages of talking with a potential play partner, as well as how you should be bringing up these questions to get the most honest results.

January 6, 2023December 27, 2022

Exploring a Kink Relationship Safely— Part One

This is going to be a multi-part series. I’m not sure how many parts there will be yet, but at least three because it’s gotten long and detailed.

Some of this may seem basic to those of you who have been playing for a long time, but if nothing else, it might show you how things have changed since you entered your first kinky dynamic.

The newer generations of adults are learning about kink earlier and getting involved in playing earlier too. This includes Millennials, the youngest of which are at least twenty-six now, and the oldest members of Generation Z who have been adults for five or six years already.

A lot of things have changed and will continue to change as they come in. Overall I think the updates have been good. There is more focus on safety and conversation than there used to be.

And just to be clear… the BDSM world as a whole has always pushed for safety. The Millennials didn’t invent this coming in. Safewords have been around for a long time.

But… previous generations and elder Millennials didn’t have the same access to learning materials that we have now. When people logged online in the early 90’s there weren’t hundreds of lifestyle blogs around where they could get the facts. And the sexuality section at the local bookstore was restricted to like… three books (Which we’ll discuss soon!)

November 11, 2022October 26, 2022

The Best (and Safest) Spanking Toys for a Newbie

I was going through my spanking implement bin this week and I was thinking about how many of those toys I’ve had since way back in the beginning. Many of them were handmade, or normal house items we appropriated, and I kept them because of fond memories.

I still also have the first real implements I bought or were gifted to me. With care, many of these things will last a lifetime—though we’ve broken our share of paddles and had leather fall apart at times.

We have a lot of toys because we like a variety of sensation. Each toy gives you a completely different result, so when picking one you really need to think about what effect you want. If you’re new you might not know what you like yet, and that’s okay. You have plenty of time to explore and learn.

Is Aftercare A New Concept?

You’re probably getting tired of the aftercare posts. Ironically the more I write about a topic, the more questions I hear about it. Since a lot of my posts are guided by questions I get… sometimes we ended up with multiple posts about a single topic in a short time. Sorry about that!

Because I’ve done several aftercare posts in the past couple of months, I’ve spent a lot of time comparing how fiction presents aftercare and how it tends to happen in real life, which can be quite different.

The specific question this time was, “We never used to see aftercare mentioned in books, but now we see it constantly. Is it a new concept?”

October 7, 2022October 5, 2022

Can I Still Be Part of the Scene If I Have a Lot of Triggers and Limits?

Not too long ago I posted this article: Finding Your Level in Kink, and I think a lot of that is relevant to this conversation if you’d like to check it out. I’ll try not to repeat too much of it here, but it focused a bit on gatekeeping and people who like to bar the door to those who enjoy milder, or different play.

Sometimes those people can be you… and the insecurities and fears in your own mind.

So, this time I’d like to focus a bit more on the internal fears and worries that someone who is interested in the scene might have.

“Can I still be part of the scene if I have a lot of triggers and limits?” This question came from an email through the blog recently, which put it back in my mind, but it’s not the first time I’ve seen people worried about this.