bdsm – Page 4 – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

June 21, 2024June 21, 2024

THE DANGER OF HAVING A SUBMISSIVE PERSONALITY

Black and grey background with the words: Learning Safely.

There are those who choose to submit in a D/s dynamic or scene because they enjoy it, but are not otherwise submissive. These people who submit for pleasure, tend to have a pretty healthy understanding of when submission is appropriate.

Bedroom submissives, among others, fall into this category. They probably won’t be wearing a collar in public, outside of a Scene venue. They probably won’t be letting their kink partners make long lists of rules for them either.

Some of the subbiest people in the scene I’ve ever met have very powerful, dominant roles in the outside world. They are fine with being in charge, submission during their off hours is just a relief.

They might be judges or doctors, or managers who boss around a whole building full of people, and they have absolutely no problem doing that… and then setting it aside when it’s time to play. Submission may feel natural to them, in a specific place, with a certain person, but they don’t go through life constantly bending to suit other people.

They are good at setting boundaries because they limit their submission to kink, and don’t allow it to impact the rest of their life. In other words, these are people who only submit when and where they choose.

But today we’re going to talk about another kind of submissive. Those who are submissive by nature, by personality. It’s not necessarily a kink thing, though they can also choose to submit as part of the scene.

The Naked Autograph Story

I don’t have anything serious ready for this week, so I thought I’d just tell you a funny story. Someone brought this up the other day and said I should put it on the blog. Since I don’t believe I’ve ever told the story here, I figured I might as well.

I tend to only talk about my own experiences as a way to give examples of situations, since this blog isn’t really about my personal life. It’s more about helping people learn about the D/s lifestyle and BDSM– and occasionally reminding people that I make my living from my books.

But I do have some fun stories from my time in the kink world and this is one that always makes me laugh when I think about it.

D/s Relationships Can Be As Healthy, Or Even Healthier Than Regular Romantic Relationships

Does it sound strange to hear that? It shouldn’t.

I think that some people tend to assume D/s relationships are always bordering on unhealthy. That the attraction to this kind of lifestyle is the ‘darkness and danger’ inherently expected in any activity out of the mainstream. They confuse the excitement and thrill of kink with wanting a lifestyle on the edge.

And don’t get me wrong, there are risks in many of the heavier aspects of BDSM. But those are the activities we do, not the relationships we have. We can choose to participate in a scene that has elements of risk, while wanting a totally healthy and safe dynamic with our partners.

April 26, 2024April 25, 2024

When Boundaries and Limits Conflict

So, a couple weeks ago, we talked about whether withholding affection was abusive or not. The topic came up, as many do here, because of a question I saw online. In this case, there was a book scene where the Daddy withheld affection from the Little as punishment, and it seemed abusive to some readers.

I covered that topic pretty thoroughly, I think, and you can read it here: Is Withholding Affection as Punishment Abuse?

But to sum it up… it really depends on the people involved and what their limits are. It’s easy to view things through a lens of our own experiences, but what looks like abuse to you… might be perfectly fine for someone else. Everyone tolerates different things.

I mentioned at the time that I had a perfect example of this, and I was going to discuss it in a separate post, because it combined well with another topic—and here we are.

March 22, 2024March 23, 2024

What Does It Mean to be Asexual and Kinky?

So, last month I released a new book with an Ace (asexual) main character: Lisa’s Unexpected Valentine’s Day. It’s something you don’t see in romance often, unfortunately, and it’s been on my mind for a while to write an ace character.

And what I discovered was that there are a lot of people out there who don’t really understand what asexuality is. It stirred up a lot of conversation on Facebook and I really enjoyed the discussions that came up because of the book. (Yay!) But I also realized that there are some big misconceptions out there too.

Definitions and misconceptions:

So, for those of you who aren’t familiar, asexual (Ace) means you have little to no interest in having sex with other people. Or you only experience sexual attraction under certain circumstances. But there’s a lot more to it than that, so let’s spell out some facts about being asexual.