bdsm – Page 5 – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

April 26, 2024April 25, 2024

When Boundaries and Limits Conflict

So, a couple weeks ago, we talked about whether withholding affection was abusive or not. The topic came up, as many do here, because of a question I saw online. In this case, there was a book scene where the Daddy withheld affection from the Little as punishment, and it seemed abusive to some readers.

I covered that topic pretty thoroughly, I think, and you can read it here: Is Withholding Affection as Punishment Abuse?

But to sum it up… it really depends on the people involved and what their limits are. It’s easy to view things through a lens of our own experiences, but what looks like abuse to you… might be perfectly fine for someone else. Everyone tolerates different things.

I mentioned at the time that I had a perfect example of this, and I was going to discuss it in a separate post, because it combined well with another topic—and here we are.

March 22, 2024March 23, 2024

What Does It Mean to be Asexual and Kinky?

So, last month I released a new book with an Ace (asexual) main character: Lisa’s Unexpected Valentine’s Day. It’s something you don’t see in romance often, unfortunately, and it’s been on my mind for a while to write an ace character.

And what I discovered was that there are a lot of people out there who don’t really understand what asexuality is. It stirred up a lot of conversation on Facebook and I really enjoyed the discussions that came up because of the book. (Yay!) But I also realized that there are some big misconceptions out there too.

Definitions and misconceptions:

So, for those of you who aren’t familiar, asexual (Ace) means you have little to no interest in having sex with other people. Or you only experience sexual attraction under certain circumstances. But there’s a lot more to it than that, so let’s spell out some facts about being asexual.

No Limits

Black and grey background with the words: Learning Safely.

I saw a series of memes going by on Facebook the other day that grabbed my attention for a second. Before I could read through them the page refreshed and took them away and they were gone, but it did remind me of something I want to talk about.

Limits.

Or rather… lack of limits.

But let’s start with the definition of a limit.

We have soft limits and hard limits, and the definitions are slightly different.

“Don’t Hit Girls!” (Getting Your Partner to be Rougher)

This post is mostly going to focus on women with male partners. It might apply to other relationship dynamics, but one question I see asked a lot, mostly by women with male partners, is: “How do I get my husband/boyfriend to be rougher with me? He’s always afraid he’ll hurt me.”

Bruising And Marks

We recently talked about Impact Play here. I had actually intended to post this article first, but I realized it made more sense to wait until after I posted the one on Impact Play, since one of the things a lot of people love about that kind of BDSM are the marks it leaves behind.

This article will be a bit longer, because I want to discuss why so many people love to wear the marks of their play, but also talk about ways to avoid marks that last longer, like bruising.

Why do so many submissives love to wear marks?

If you are a sub or bottom of whatever type, who enjoys spanking, then chances are you know what I’m talking about right now. There is nothing quite like looking at the aftermath of a good spanking or paddling, and seeing all the red marks and maybe even some bruises that are left behind.