Relationships – Page 2 – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

February 28, 2025August 22, 2025

WHAT DOES BEING COLLARED MEAN?

This seems like a pretty basic question on the surface, but when you dive deep, you find it’s a lot more complex. And, as with many things in the Scene, the meaning depends on the people involved.

Simply put, a collar is usually defined as a band that you wear around your throat. It can be made from almost any material: lace, leather, metal, velvet. And by itself it doesn’t need to have any sort of meaning.

December 13, 2024November 22, 2024

HOW OLD IS TOO OLD FOR THE LIFESTYLE?

Black and grey background with the words: Learning Safely.

When I entered the scene, years ago, I was young, barely an adult. I was about twenty the first time I played with someone. Twenty-one when I went to my first party. I was prepared for all of it, luckily, because I’d been reading everything I could find online about The Scene, Kink, and BDSM since I first got my own computer.

There weren’t a ton of sources to be honest, not factual ones anyway. Not non-fiction websites and pages that I could go to for real information. However, since the moment the Internet existed, kinky people have been posting spanking fiction on it. And that I found plenty of.

November 22, 2024November 18, 2024

DO YOU HAVE TO BE A LITTLE TO HAVE A DADDY/MOMMY DOM

I see this question pop up a lot since Daddies/Mommies/DDlg relationships/ Littles have become slightly more mainstream. These roles have long been misunderstood.

People are starting to be more accepting of such dynamics now, but as that happens, we see many who are confused about what the terms mean, or what that kind of relationship would look like. And there are a lot of people who love the idea of a Daddy Dom… but don’t love the idea of ageplay or acting younger. It makes them feel uncomfortable.

We’re going to clear up a few misconceptions about these relationships, but first we’ll start with some basic definitions to make sure we’re all on the same page.

Please remember that most roles in the BDSM world mean exactly what the identifying people want them to mean, so it can be hard to pin down specific definitions. My definitions, or the commonly accepted definitions, may not fit you or your dynamic exactly.

DOM, DOMME, OR DOMINATRIX?

Let’s talk about the FemDom side of BDSM.

There are a lot of Dominant women in the BDSM world, more every year, I’d say. I was lucky that some of my earliest events were run by women, so I started off thinking it was entirely normal to have a large number of female Dominants around.

I later found that to be a little misleading. They are there… but typically at most events and clubs I find the number of male Dominants vastly outweighs the female. This, along with… shall we say, ‘historical views on women’ means that sometimes the female Doms don’t get as much respect as they should.

September 27, 2024September 16, 2024

DON’T MENTION YOU’RE KINKY UNTIL AFTER THREE DATES?? ARE YOU SERIOUS??

sky background with question marks that says Umm... what?

I waffled over the title of this one for a while, but you’ll see in a minute why I chose this.

There was a time when most people had to hide kink, even from their spouses. That obviously led to marrying vanilla people because…well, they didn’t talk about it before they were married. Sometimes you got lucky and found out later you were both kinky.

Usually you didn’t.

That led to an eventual choice for many people: sneak around to get your needs met, try to convert a vanilla spouse to kinky, or deny those needs for the length of your marriage. When I was still new to the scene, I met a lot of people who were just trying out the lifestyle in their 50’s, because they were widowed and finally free to do so.

I think we can all agree that no one wants to go back to that.

However, some recent posts and comments I’ve seen in a Facebook group took me by surprise. There seems to be an idea there, that when trying to date someone it is disrespectful to bring up kink until later, perhaps after multiple dates. I believe this is because they equate BDSM with sex and are trying to keep potential dates from making things sexual too early.