interesting topics – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

May 16, 2024May 12, 2024

D/s Relationships Can Be As Healthy, Or Even Healthier Than Regular Romantic Relationships

Does it sound strange to hear that? It shouldn’t.

I think that some people tend to assume D/s relationships are always bordering on unhealthy. That the attraction to this kind of lifestyle is the ‘darkness and danger’ inherently expected in any activity out of the mainstream. They confuse the excitement and thrill of kink with wanting a lifestyle on the edge.

And don’t get me wrong, there are risks in many of the heavier aspects of BDSM. But those are the activities we do, not the relationships we have. We can choose to participate in a scene that has elements of risk, while wanting a totally healthy and safe dynamic with our partners.

March 22, 2024March 23, 2024

What Does It Mean to be Asexual and Kinky?

So, last month I released a new book with an Ace (asexual) main character: Lisa’s Unexpected Valentine’s Day. It’s something you don’t see in romance often, unfortunately, and it’s been on my mind for a while to write an ace character.

And what I discovered was that there are a lot of people out there who don’t really understand what asexuality is. It stirred up a lot of conversation on Facebook and I really enjoyed the discussions that came up because of the book. (Yay!) But I also realized that there are some big misconceptions out there too.

Definitions and misconceptions:

So, for those of you who aren’t familiar, asexual (Ace) means you have little to no interest in having sex with other people. Or you only experience sexual attraction under certain circumstances. But there’s a lot more to it than that, so let’s spell out some facts about being asexual.

Another Kinky Romance Book with an Ace Character is Out!

This one isn’t mine. It’s Pippi’s Little Prank Day, by Allie Belle and it’s live now!

Feast or famine right? First there are hardly any kinky romance books with asexual characters and now, suddenly, there are two new ones! What a coincidence!

Well, there was a little coincidence, but not as much as you’d think. This is kind of a fun story, so I thought you might be interested in some behind-the-scenes info about how it all worked out.

Sharon Green and Her Kinky Sci-fi and Fantasy Novels

My favorite book Gateway to Xanadu by Sharon Green

Sharon Green was a popular author in the 80’s and 90’s. Her Sci-fi and Fantasy books were published by well-known companies like Daw and Avon, and some of her romance came out through Harlequin.

I started out as a teenage fan but eventually we met online and became friendly. We had many conversations about the oddest topics over the years, but the last email I wrote to her bounced. I tried her back-up email and that bounced too. I figured we’d reconnect eventually, but a few months later I found out that she’d died.

I felt her loss harder than I would have expected, in a year (2022) filled with other losses and I still don’t really know what to say about her death. So let’s talk about her work instead.

January 26, 2024January 7, 2024

The Definition of Kink Needs an Update

A kink is often described as a sexual activity that falls outside the norm. That is an inadequate definition, in my opinion, and needs to be modernized and updated.

Any BDSM educator will tell you that not everything we do in BDSM or in the ‘scene’ is sexual in nature, or a sexual turn on to both parties participating.

But there is no other way to really describe wanting/needing certain activities even when it doesn’t turn you on. There’s no other word to describe a love of bondage, spanking, etc other than calling it a kink… even though your need may not be sexual in nature.