D/s dynamics – Page 5 – Musings of a Chaotic Mind

January 26, 2024January 7, 2024

The Definition of Kink Needs an Update

Black and grey background with the words: Learning Safely.

A kink is often described as a sexual activity that falls outside the norm. That is an inadequate definition, in my opinion, and needs to be modernized and updated.

Any BDSM educator will tell you that not everything we do in BDSM or in the ‘scene’ is sexual in nature, or a sexual turn on to both parties participating.

But there is no other way to really describe wanting/needing certain activities even when it doesn’t turn you on. There’s no other word to describe a love of bondage, spanking, etc other than calling it a kink… even though your need may not be sexual in nature.

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January 12, 2024January 2, 2024

No Limits

I saw a series of memes going by on Facebook the other day that grabbed my attention for a second. Before I could read through them the page refreshed and took them away and they were gone, but it did remind me of something I want to talk about.

Limits.

Or rather… lack of limits.

But let’s start with the definition of a limit.

We have soft limits and hard limits, and the definitions are slightly different.

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November 24, 2023November 16, 2023

“Don’t Hit Girls!” (Getting Your Partner to be Rougher)

This post is mostly going to focus on women with male partners. It might apply to other relationship dynamics, but one question I see asked a lot, mostly by women with male partners, is: “How do I get my husband/boyfriend to be rougher with me? He’s always afraid he’ll hurt me.”

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September 15, 2023September 15, 2023

Let’s Talk About Service Subs

People are often confused about the various types of submissives in the scene. Some aren’t aware that there is more than one way to be a sub. Others know there are multiple ways, but aren’t really sure what the difference is. And some… well, they like to gatekeep and say that submission only counts if you do it in the way they expect.

But the truth is… there are many different roles that fall under the header of submissive.

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July 28, 2023July 20, 2023

The Blind Men and the Elephant (AKA There is No One True Way)

There is an old parable called ‘The Blind Men and the Elephant’. The oldest version of it came from a Buddhist text from 500BCE. It’s a story about a group of blind men who have never come across an elephant before, and who learn what the elephant is like by touching it.

Each blind man feels a different part of the elephant, but only one part, such as the side or the tail. They then describe the elephant based on their limited experience and their descriptions of the elephant are all very different because they only explored a small piece of it.