Finding Time To Be Little

I saw a comment from someone in a group recently about really needing some Little time, but just not having the time or space for it. As I was replying to them, I realized it was probably an issue many people have. So here we are with a whole article about it.

How do you balance that need for some completely relaxed, stress-free, inner child time… with the overwhelming demands of adult life?

And…

When do you stop and take a moment to enjoy that Little headspace, when it seems like you have a never ending list of responsibilities to take care of?

In my experience, if you find yourself really needing Little time and you don’t take it, keep pushing your Little side down because it’s not convenient, eventually your Little will break out—and probably at the worst possible time.

Read more: Finding Time To Be Little

Stress builds. It’s not kind and understanding about your schedule, or your responsibilities. It will just keep stacking up until something has to give. For people who use their Little side as a way to unwind and relax…. It’s natural that when things finally crash… that’s where you’ll end up.

So, you can take time for your Little side and have some control over when it happens. Or you can keep putting it off until you lose all choice and end up spending the whole day playing and not getting anything done. Those are basically your options.

I do need to remind people here that there is a difference between a Little and someone who occasionally age plays. Just like there is a difference between a lifestyle submissive, and a bedroom sub. One is who you are. The other is a role you put on.

Most Littles will tell you that being a Little is not a kink. For many that headspace is not sexual at all. It’s about being taken care of, protected. It’s literally just who they are. And it can influence a lot of their life, including their moods and headspace.

And it’s very easy, when everything is busy and hectic, to convince yourself that you just don’t need to waste time being in Little mode, but the reality is, for many people in that kind of lifestyle, Little time is something they need. It’s not a want. It’s a need.

That is your self-care. That is your downtime. And no matter how you try to put it off, if you are Little, you can only ignore that side of you for so long.

And on that note… that doesn’t just go for Littles either. Submissives in general often need their submissive time to cope with everything else. You wonder why Brats get out of control at parties and are completely wild?

Well, often it’s because these events are the only times they can throw off adult responsibilities and just relax and have fun. It may seem weird but water balloons and confetti and then getting spanked for them is their self-care time and how they de-stress.

Service subs with busy lives go and happily clean their Doms house. Their own house might be a mess because between work and family they don’t have time for it. But they get relaxation in doing it for their Doms, because that is their self-care. Well, that and the praise, possibly a good girl scene, that comes from it.

So Littles aren’t unique in this. If you have a part of you that you use to escape from your problems and worries… then that part is important. It’s self-care. It’s what keeps you going.

So putting it off is no good.

But that doesn’t make it easier to find the time…

You’re right. It doesn’t. So what you want to try to do is schedule it in manageable small blocks of time. Is that ideal? Of course not, but life is hectic these days so we do what we can.

It is far easier to manage, for instance, a half hour in the tub playing with duckies and boats, or tub paints, than it is a two-hour Disney movie. It’s easier to give yourself time to color one page, while listening to cartoons, than it is to drag out the bucket of Lego bricks, which then require tons of clean up.

It’s all about managing the small amount of time you have, in order to fit in bursts of Little adventures. You need to fit in dinner? How about some microwavable dino nuggets and mac and cheese, while you flip through a picture book.

You need to vacuum? Put in some earbuds and some Kids bop or Disney soundtracks and make it into a game. Almost any kind of housework can be made more fun if you do it in a younger headspace.

It may not be enough to fill all your needs, but it will help to take the edge off, making it easier for you to wait for when things are a little less hectic. That fifteen minutes or half-hour where you can just let your mind go into little-space will reduce your stress overall—just like any ‘me time’ or ‘self-care’ would.

But when I go into Little space it’s hard to come back out.

That can definitely be a problem. I suggest setting an alarm for the amount of free time you have. If your phone lets you, pick a special tone for the alarm that you can associate with Little time ending.

It also helps if you plan an activity that is naturally time limited. A television show that lasts thirty minutes, coloring just one page, a game with a set end point. Something that has a definitive end, so that choosing to keep going requires an actual decision. That way if the alarm isn’t enough of a reminder, than getting to the end of the activity will be.

It’s obviously not a guarantee but things like that do help. It will also help if you make these Little moments frequent. If you suppress that side of you for weeks, don’t expect a half hour to help nearly as much as if you find the time a few times a week.

The most important thing to remember is that if Little time is essential for your mood, then it’s not really optional or something you can ignore. Acting like it’s a hobby you have to make time for, generally just doesn’t end up working out well.

This can be very different for someone who just does ageplay when they are in the mood, or as part of a scene, which is why I separate them. Little time probably is still a way to relax and let someone else take over, but it’s not the only way they have.

There is definitely a difference between people who identify as a Little, and people who just take on the role when they feel like it—but only you can decide which fits you.

The real point of this is that you can only neglect needs for so long before they come back to bite you in the butt. So, while this was particularly aimed at Littles, the underlying point stands for everyone. If your self-care is submitting and you aren’t able to find time to do that… eventually your mood will crumble.

If you’re a brat and you don’t take some time to get in trouble it ends up in the same place. Remember that needs are called NEEDS for a reason. They aren’t optional things, but essential parts of your life that you can’t ignore forever.

As always feel free to comment, or e-mail with questions– but before I go, I want to bring up something difficult in regard to Littles and ageplay.

I’m going to continue past this point. But if you’re happy with the article feel free to leave now, because this is a different topic, and there are trigger warnings for people who will be upset by anything related to sexual abuse, especially in regard to children.

Okay?

Every so often I feel like I need to make a statement about Littles and ageplay… and it’s not really for the Littles who came here to read this post, although I think sometimes they do feel weird or bad about that part of themselves because they’ve had mean things said to them.

So maybe some of them need to hear this too.

This is an uncomfortable subject for many to discuss. As someone who was sexually assaulted as a child, multiple times, it’s hard for me to even write this. But it needs to be talked about because people really believe that being a Little or being the Caretaker of a Little is wrong and bad.

There is nothing wrong with being a Little. There is nothing wrong with age-regressing whether it’s for catharsis, stress relief, kink, or even all three.

Being a Little might come as part of a DDlg or BDSM dynamic, but it doesn’t have to. Some Littles are entirely vanilla and just do this as a way to decompress and destress. Because this is more of a kinky lifestyle blog, I do focus on Littles who are in the scene.

For them there can be some overlap between BDSM and Little space, especially where a Caretaker is involved. There may be spankings and other punishments as part of it. But that still doesn’t necessarily mean the Little part of their life is a sexual turn-on or a kink.

BDSM is not sex. BDSM acts are not inherently sexual. There are many people who participate in the scene, not because it’s a sexual kink, but for other reasons.

And when it comes to Littles, many are very disconnected from their sexuality, while in Little mode, because their mindset is younger.

Another common misconception is that DDlg, Littles, ageplay any of that is some sort of simulated pedo-activity, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. For one thing both parties are completely aware that the Little is fully adult physically.

I’ve also seen it called simulated incest.

It’s almost never that either, but for the few people who do it for that reason… it’s still not really incest. It’s not abuse. It falls in the same category as rape fantasies– which is that as long as people are consenting it’s fine, because it’s just roleplay.

Playing out a sexual fantasy with your partner does not mean you want to experience that in real life.

But in general calling someone Daddy or Mommy doesn’t mean that you think of them like your bio parent. It means they are a caretaker sometimes. Other times it doesn’t even mean that much. Sometimes it’s just a nickname, period.

Daddy Kink is different from DDlg. It’s literally just calling a sexy (sometimes) older partner Daddy and it’s been around for a longggg time. There are even black and white early movies from the 1930’s where the actress calls her lover Daddy like it was totally normal and no one blinked, because it was very common.

I’ve seen people say that to be the Caretaker of a Little it must mean you’re a pedophile and this is the worst one because this accusation can be so damaging. Both to someone’s mental and emotional well-being, and to their life and reputation.

And it’s absolutely not true.

A pedophile’s brain is hardwired to find prepubescent children attractive. That is the main prerequisite for that mental illness. Prepubescent means lacking in secondary sexual characteristics that come from puberty. Talking in babytalk and wearing t-shirts with cartoons on them is not enough to excite someone who is attracted to children, not when the person is sitting there in a fully developed adult body.

A pedophile is a predator. They are attracted to the body type of a child, but many also to the pure innocence of a child– like a predator is attracted to prey. This is literally the opposite of a caring D/s relationship, no matter what the trappings are.

And if you think you can be married to someone for years, have sex with them, have a life with them, and then ‘forget’ they are really an adult and turn into a rampaging pedophile because they got out a box of crayons and called you Daddy… then you’re very much mistaken about how any of that works.

For most people being a Little is a way to reclaim a piece of their childhood and forget about their adult worries for a while. And even for the people who do find it sexual… it’s not for the same reasons that a pedo has for their attractions.

Littles, no matter how they act, are still adults with the ability to consent, unlike children. So, it’s not abuse. They don’t fill the physical characteristics, nor do they have that innocence to be taken that would attract a pedophile.

If being a Little isn’t for you, if DDlg, ageplay, Daddies or anything of that nature is a squick for you… that’s perfectly fine. There are a lot of kinks people love that I avoid. But you need to remember that not liking something doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Or that other people shouldn’t do it.

We all have our baggage, and it influences how we think about things and how we see and feel about them. Because of my own past trauma, I can’t handle seeing sexual ageplay. I definitely could never have someone initiate sexual acts with me while I was in a child headspace it would trigger me very badly.

But that’s because of my past and my baggage. Not because there’s anything inherently wrong with whatever two consenting adults decide to do together. If it upsets you, you have every right to avoid it. You just don’t have the right to attack people for enjoying something that you don’t understand or like.

One of the reasons I’m saying this, on this post, is because every time I write something about Littles or DDlg I invariably end up with a nasty comment or email about how I shouldn’t be encouraging this kind of lifestyle, because it’s wrong.

I will remind you that 15 years ago, people would have responded the same way to an article about a regular Dom/sub relationship.

Ageplay and DDlg is starting to make that same move into mainstream. There are tons of popular books out there now with Littles in them, and the audience for them is huge. People find them comforting. They love the trappings of D/s but in a more parental caring kind of situation. They love the stuffies, and the cuddles, and the Caregivers.

But one thing has been hindering this lifestyle from being fully accepted, even in the kink world, and that is the misconceptions around what these things actually are and why people do them. So, I will continue to work on educating people about the facts.