Let me start by saying that BDSM submissives aren’t really helpless. In fact, some of the strongest people I know are submissives, and they are real fighters. Being submissive never automatically means you need someone to take care of you. I know submissives who run companies, who are lawyers, doctors… so yeah, your orientation in the D/s world really doesn’t affect how strong you are, or your ability to take care of yourself.
However, for certain people, submission goes beyond a D/s dynamic. It’s their core personality, and that may, or may not, be combined with a D/s orientation.
I’ve written about this before, and I know a lot of you understood immediately what I meant. When you have a submissive personality in general, and that’s combined with being a submissive in the Scene sense, it can often be really hard to get things done without an authority figure. That means some real struggles when you’re between Doms.
Is that healthy? No, not really. Obviously as adults we should be working on the ability to take care of ourselves, instead of depending on someone else.
Is it reality? Yes, absolutely.
A lot of blogs and articles out there tend to focus on the best-case scenario, which is, of course, that submissives are just as capable of standing on their own two feet as anyone else. I’ve even seen snide comments from people who imply if you are dependent on a Dom to help you manage things, rather than just for fun in the bedroom, then you need therapy.
I don’t find that helpful. People go to therapy when they are ready for therapy, and no one ever has rushed off to make an appointment because of some snide remark. Mental health should not be weaponized.
So instead of focusing on how things would go in a perfect world, I focus on the reality. And the reality is that people who are submissive by nature tend to struggle without a strong influence in their life to push them, and especially so when they are used to looking to a Dom to give that push.
Executive disfunction is a real issue. You know you have to do something, but you just can’t seem to motivate yourself to get going. It has nothing to do with being lazy or weak, and everything to do with how your brain works. These submissives get more and more stressed as they miss important deadlines and the chores pile up, but just can’t seem to do what they need to do. However, they actually thrive in the care of a capable Dominant because someone is there to give them structure.
It might not be ideal, but it works. And anything that works is a plus in my book.
The major downside, of course, is that when you don’t have a Dom things kind of fall apart. I’ve been there. Lots of us have been there. I have done other articles with hints and tips on how to get by if you’re just not great at self-motivating, but this year I found something that I thought might be really good for some of you.
It’s called The Finch App, and it makes self-care and organization fun. I’ve actually been using it for five months now and haven’t missed a day. I’ve found it incredibly helpful. You set lists of daily goals, based on your needs, that are small and manageable. As you complete them you can check them off and earn points. The points do various things with an animal friend that the game assigns you.
Basically, it’s like a Tamagotchi (a virtual pet), but care is based on achievable goals. I don’t want to get into too many details because I think you’ll have more fun exploring. But you receive a baby animal, who grows and learns things each day. They explore different locations and how fast they explore depends on you completing tasks. You earn coins each day you log in, and can shop in the store for fun outfits, furniture, and toys for your friend.
Maybe it sounds a little silly to you, like a children’s game, but it’s really not. There are all kinds of tools built into the program. Meditations, self-care programs, breathing exercises for anxiety, and a lot more. You can use as much or as little of it as you like. It’s very customizable.
It’s not designed for kinky people. It’s just designed for people who need a little help managing their tasks, but I do know a large number of kinky people who are using it. Not just submissives, but Doms too. Littles will especially love it, I think, because of the cute outfits, toys, and pets you can earn by completing tasks.
You cannot message anyone through the app. People can’t add you as a friend without your code, so it is safe and private, but you can choose to add friends for accountability and work on daily tasks together with them. I actually have a daily task I work on with my Doms, so we can encourage each other.
There is a free version, and I used it for three months before upgrading, so I can tell you for sure it’s fully functional, even if you don’t pay for a subscription. You don’t get to access all the easy-add goal suggestion tabs, but since you can write in your own tasks that’s not a big issue. The other things the paid version gives you are basically vanity items and more fun options for sending vibes to your friends.
Anyway, if you’re interested in trying it out you can find it in the app stores, or here: https://finchcare.com/
I am not a paid sponsor or anything of that nature. It’s simply something that I use to keep myself on track, and I think it will be especially useful for submissives who don’t have anyone to help them. Obviously, it’s not as good as having a Dom to keep you in line, but the dopamine boosts from checking things off the list and earning prizes does help a lot of people.
Musings of a Chaotic Mind 