WHAT IS A ‘POWER DYNAMIC’?

I use the phrase ‘power dynamic’, or just ‘dynamic’ a lot in my articles, because when it comes to BDSM relationships, power and who holds it, is a huge part of everything. When you submit, you choose to give up your power to a dominant partner. When you enter a D/s relationship you are entering a power exchange where you negotiate which partner holds the authority and what the limits of that authority would be.

But recently in a book group I saw someone ask what the phrase ‘power dynamic’ meant. I realized I’d never really defined it here.

Read more: WHAT IS A ‘POWER DYNAMIC’?

Ten years ago, you never heard anyone use this phrase. Now it’s so common that you just assume everyone knows what it means, but assumptions are often wrong. While people who have been around will probably understand from the context, even if they’ve never heard the phrase, I’m sure there are others out there Googling to try and figure it out.

I would love to do a quick and easy definition. Unfortunately, this isn’t the kind of phrase you can define simply, and it is often easier to understand it through context. I’m going to try to explain it, but I’m also going to give plenty of examples to help give you that context to work with.

A power dynamic is the way in which people or groups of people interact with each other, when the balance of power is uneven, as it almost always is. It’s really about how each side reacts and engages with the other when power is not equal, either by choice (in a D/s relationship) or by circumstance.

This is not a kink term. This does not relate only to romantic or kinky relationships, but to all people and situations where control and authority are not evenly distributed. You are surrounded by power dynamics, and have been for your entire life—even if you didn’t know the term for it.  

For example, there is a power dynamic between a manager and their employees, because the manager holds a position of authority in the workplace. How they use that power and how the workers react to that power is the power dynamic between them.

Another situation with a power dynamic would be between parents and their children. Parents have most of the power in a family and they use this to influence their children’s lives and control their behavior. A government and its citizens would also be an example. Even countries have power dynamics with each other.

In your standard romantic relationship power might be evenly balanced most of the time. You make the decisions together or you take turns leading the way, but in general things are even. That is not always the case when your dynamic involves D/s, and a lot of times the power is heavily slanted one way by choice.

D/s relationships are negotiated power-exchanges, so control and authority make up the base that you build everything on. Who has the power? Who gives the power? How do you use the power? Those are the essential questions that define the relationship.

Power is what excites people who delve into these exchanges. Which means power and how it’s treated are at the core of everything, more so than you would find in a standard romantic partnership. That emphasis explains the power part of ‘power dynamics’.

But what about dynamic? Well, for my word nerds… the word ‘dynamic’ is originally from Greek, and it meant ‘power’, ‘to have power’, ‘to be strong enough’. Which, yes, there’s some humor there since ‘power dynamic’ can be reduced to ‘power power’. But eventually the word ‘dynamic’ came to mean ‘manner of interaction,’ which is how we still use it.

None of that is essential to understand how the phrase is used now, but I do love to see how words shift over time. Anyway, sorry for the side trip. Let’s get back to the important stuff and see some context for the phrase.

These are examples of how you’ll see it used in conversation:

“Power dynamics can be a lot of fun, but I like to keep them to the bedroom.”

“Our dynamic is really working for me lately. I feel so much better about everything.”

“We’re trying a Master/slave dynamic now, but I’m not sure I like it.”

“I’ve always been interested in a DDlg power dynamic, but I feel weird about calling a romantic partner Daddy.”

As you can guess from the context, most of the time people using the phrase ‘power dynamic’ in the kink world, are substituting it for ‘D/s or power exchange relationship,’ and that’s probably how you’ve seen it used on this blog most of the time too.

So, when you see someone talking about a power dynamic, they are probably just talking about their relationship with another kinky person.

One thing that’s important to note, is that power dynamics tend to change and fluctuate. Parents lose authority over their children when they grow up. Managers can be demoted, or workers can unionize to gain more control in the workplace. Between countries, power often shifts due to allies, trade agreements, and thousands of other aspects that can change daily.

It’s no different with a relationship that has a D/s dynamic. A submissive can take back their power at any time. A Dominant might relinquish some level of control for various reasons. They may even decide to switch roles, or drop the power exchange for a while, so they can focus on other parts of the relationship.

Power dynamics are rarely static and usually require some level of flexibility to make them work, but that’s a topic for another day.

Hopefully, I’ve managed to explain this clearly, but if you have any questions feel free to comment.