Anniversaries and Reflection

Today is a special day for three reasons. On the professional front… well, three years ago today, June 15th, 2017 to be exact, my first book A Haunting Experience was due to release. It actually didn’t come out until the 16th but today was the scheduled release day. That means I’ve officially been an author for three years now. Prior to that I was just a professional writer with hundreds of published stories to my credit.

It’s really weird how nine finished novels seems to trump hundreds of short stories. I’m not sure why. If you just went by word counts than all those short stories would add up to dozens of books, but it’s just not the same.

Writing books wasn’t something I intended to do. That’s why I call the first one an accident. It started as a short story for a monthly deadline and then I realized that the idea in my head was just too big for a short story, or even a series of short stories. Sixty-thousand words in I realized it was too big even for a single novel and was going to need a sequel. Even at that both books were longer than books in that genre usually are.

All things considered I haven’t been an author that long. Just three years, but in that time a lot has changed. Learning how to navigate the book world has been a mixture of good and bad experiences, but I don’t regret it and I don’t think I would go back now. I’m not sure I could anyway.

On a personal note today is also my three year anniversary with G. L and G are pretty much the reason I was able to continue on and finish the second book in this series without a long delay between them.

Just to give you a little background, after I finished A Haunting Experience and had started the sequel I crashed hard. I was dumped abruptly by a Dom I trusted and believed in. In retrospect the red flags were there but I believed what I was being told. I asked all the right questions, I communicated and still things went wrong.

Sometimes that just happens, especially when your partner lies easily. So with my heart broken I was struggling to continue writing a love story where things were going well between the main characters. I put the sequel Awakened With a Touch aside for a while and instead started a new series.

In the first Timeless Love book Katherine is dumped by her Dom in a twisted manipulative ploy to get her to surrender to him completely. Our situations weren’t similar at all, my Dom didn’t want me. He just pretended to because I was a fun toy to play with for a while. But the emotions of betrayal, hurt, and that feeling of being lost were what I poured into In Time For Love.

There’s an old saying, ‘Don’t piss off a writer or they’ll put you in their next book.’ Well, it’s true and it’s very cathartic. The situations weren’t the same and my ex-Dom wasn’t evil; he was just a person who hurt me really badly and I still don’t really understand why.

Sadly In relationships a lot of times there isn’t a villian. like there is in books. It’s just people making mistakes. In a D/s relationship the emotions are amplified so those mistakes can be devastating. Channeling those emotions allowed me to put them into perspective; it was how I coped with the situation, but I was still a mess and struggling to keep my head above water.

G was there for me, helping and guiding me towards better choices, but he didn’t feel able to commit to a sub because of health issues and… to be honest I think he also felt that the last thing I should be doing was jumping into another relationship then, even if it was with someone I knew and trusted. Even if I felt I couldn’t deal with it on my own.

That gave me the push I needed to start putting myself back together. And that part is important. It’s necessary for people, even submissives, to be able to find that inner strength when they need it. So I was able to write, I was able to work, even if I was having trouble finding the gushy lovey stuff in me at the moment.

But after about a month and a half I was doing better and G introduced me to L. L offered to take me on as a sub with G looking on as a kind of mentor to us. Because I was in a better place emotionally I was able to give it serious consideration, talking it over with G before leaping right into it out of desperation.

Let’s be honest submissives do that a lot. I’m not talking about those for whom submission is a bedroom thing, but for lifestyle subs. That feeling of needing to be controlled and kept safe isn’t about sex it’s about grasping for the strength to get through life. Submissives often feel like they just can’t function without a Dom and it leads them to jump into bad situations and ignore red flags.

I’ve been guilty of it and it’s not a good place.

But after discussion it did feel like this was the right choice so we decided to give it a try.  After a month I started to feel more stable. I had found a good fit with someone who didn’t constantly raise red flags and I had gotten through a good chunk of the heartbreaking writing that started off the Timeless series. As I found myself in a better place so did my characters and G was becoming more involved than he had originally intended.

With my head on straight I was able to go back and finish the sequel to Haunting with the happy ending it deserved before diving in to wrap up the first Timeless book so that it could be released just a couple of months later.  Being happy with them has allowed me to write steadily ever since, which is why I have nine books in only three years. (Though two have not been published yet in case you are counting how many you own.

So my 3rd anniversary with L was back in April, but it was a couple of months before it was obvious that we were a threesome. I think one day we just kind of decided that this was all working out well and G officially became my Dom as well.

The date was a bit arbitrary in that it was hard to pin down exactly when he’d gone from helping to just being with us. We eventually decided to place it at two months after L and I officially decided to give it a try because that seemed about right. I didn’t realize it at the time but coincidentally that made it the same day my first book came out.

So today I have officially belonged to G for three years and on that day we became a trio, which makes it a double anniversary.

I’ve never regretted it. I am strong, stable, and secure which is the way a submissive should feel when she is in the right relationship dynamic with the right people.  It’s not perfect, nothing ever is, but it’s a good and precious bond and every day I feel lucky to have both of them.

If you are a submissive looking for a dominant person please don’t settle. I know that being on your own is hard. I know that a submissive without a Dom can feel fragile and lost, but you deserve to be happy, really happy. You deserve someone that fits with you and can fill your needs. Settling will just cause you more pain in the long run, trust me.

Hold out until you find your own L, your own G and it will be worth it.

And now I’m being teary over thinking about everything that’s happened in three years so I’m going to wrap this up here. Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay home if you can.