When your D/s relationship is outside of the norm… (part one)

This is going to go a bit long because I think we’re going to need a lead up to discussing the actual main topic of this post, so I’ll be dividing it in half. I think it’s become pretty obvious by now that I have more than one Dominant. I’ve mentioned K and W in several posts—and maybe G and L once if I remember correctly. I’ve been thinking about writing about this for a while, because it’s a question people ask me a lot. It’s a complicated topic because there are so many types of D/s relationships, so it kept getting pushed lower on the list while I tried to find the right way to approach it.

I think when people see me say that I have multiple Tops they are picturing group orgy scenes in their head. A lot of times people’s minds go straight to sex when it comes to D/s so if I have multiple Doms I must be sleeping with all of them. The truth is, that’s not how it works for everyone. There are relationships built on romance, of course, and you are most likely to see those in the media, because who doesn’t love a kinky love story, am I right?

But those aren’t the only type of D/s relationships out there. So, before I delve into the exciting world of ‘How the heck can you handle being bossed around by a bunch of people and how does it all work?!’ let’s take a step back and look at some different situations. My lifestyle has encompassed them all, so while I wouldn’t call myself an expert, I do have some experience in the dynamics I’m going to discuss.

Romance D/s: I don’t think you’re going to need much definition here. I mean I think it’s been well covered, but this is the kind of ‘Grab you by the hair, shove you against the wall, and fuck you into submission’ type of relationship you see in romance novels and movies. But I like an excuse to write little snapshot scenes so here you go:

“You’re not listening, girl,” he said. His rough hands grabbed her by the waist and spun her around to face the wall, pushing her right up against it as he leaned in and whispered in her ear, “Am I going to have to do something about that?”

“You wouldn’t dare,” she snapped. She sounded angry, but the way her body pushed back against his, grinding her ass against his crotch made it clear that she was hoping he would.

“No?” He laughed, low and amused. He knew exactly what she was doing. “Just watch me,” he said. His hands slid down the outside of her thighs, catching the hem of her short skirt to drag it up to her waist. He squeezed her ass cheek possessively and then slapped it hard.

You get the point, right?

But not all D/s relationships are like that. Each tends to have its own place on a spectrum and while a lot of them take place between romantic couples there are definitely other kinds of relationships that fit the  power-exchange definition. Some are sensual, and some are entirely non-sexual. For instance, some ageplay relationships are more about the family-style domestic discipline that used to occur in the old days. I’m not talking about the DD/lg dynamic because that is often sexual, but the non-sexual kind of ageplay that’s more about reclaiming or reliving your childhood—or for some people experiencing all the things they missed the first time around.

Non-sexual Ageplay would be something like this:

“Mommy? Um…I might have lied to you—a little bit.” She dropped her eyes, staring at the floor and biting her lip nervously. “I know I said I did my homework but…there was so much, and I really wanted to go out with my friends,” she explained. This was the part she hated, having to confess that she’d broken the rules. It didn’t matter that she was twenty-four years old and in her last year at university, she’d chosen to be Sarah’s daughter and that meant being a good little girl for her mommy.

“I had a feeling it was something like that,” Sarah said, shaking her head and looking disappointed. She wasn’t surprised really. Tammy was usually a very mature and responsible young woman, but at this time of year students tended to get squirrely and blow things off. As the mom it was her job to make sure that Tammy got back in line, even though she had her own homework to worry about.

“Well, you know what’s going to happen now. Get your butt to the corner, missy,” Sarah said, pointing at the empty corner of their dorm room. Even though the rest of the small room was packed, that corner was always open for a misbehaving young woman and Tammy trudged over to stand there with reluctance in every step.

So, you have a couple of girls, the same age, who have decided to have a parent/child relationship. It’s not sexual, it’s more that one has a strong urge to be the guiding and helping kind of Top, and the other is a child-like bottom. You don’t see this in books much but there’s a pretty large group of people who want the family they didn’t get during their first time as kids.

There are other family dynamics like that, obviously, and I’ve played with a number of them but for me anything family related is non-sexual. (Remind me some time to tell you about the major thing I have for adopted big brothers who spank though…)

Family dynamics don’t always involve ageplay either. You can be an adult with an ‘adultier’ big brother who spanks. So already you’re seeing that there is a lot more to these relationships than just the standard romance style that most people relate to. You can even have a situation where someone enjoys doling out the discipline but they aren’t interested or available for sex. For instance:

James was happily married with two young children. He loved his wife and had no interest in other women, but there was one need he had that his wife, Vicky, had no interest in filling. They’d tried it once, but she was quite clear that it wasn’t for her. However, she was fine with him taking care of that need elsewhere as long as he was discrete, and it remained non-sexual.

So, James had accepted Sam as his sub. The feisty brat needed a firm hand to keep her in line and he enjoyed spanking her during their weekly sessions. It kept her life on track and left his dominant impulses fulfilled, but that naughty little minx had really gotten herself in trouble this time, by sassing his wife. When he pulled his belt free from the loops and prepared to strap her backside properly, his wife was sitting front and center for a good view of the show, and judging by the eager look on her face, Vicky was going to enjoy it too.

“Would you like to repeat what you said to my wife earlier, Samantha?” he asked grimly.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it, Sir! I’m sorry, Vicky!” Sam cried desperately, but it was too late for regrets and a moment later the first stroke of the belt slapped down across her bare ass startling a cry from her lips.

Vicky fixed a cold smile on the bratty sub, saying, “You know, James, I’ve been thinking…maybe it’s just being spanked that I don’t like. I think I could quite enjoy it from the other side. Should I give you a hand with her?”

Sam thought she was regretting her actions now, but she was about to hit a whole new level of contrition now that Vicky was getting involved.

The portrayal of a dominant boyfriend and a submissive girlfriend plays out really nicely in romance, and it’s one of my favorite scenarios to write, but as you can see that’s just scratching the surface of power-exchange relationships. There is really no right way to experience D/s as long as everything is consensual on all sides

(To be continued with: When your D/s relationship is outside of the norm part two–Maintaining a group dynamic.)