Let’s Talk About Service Subs

People are often confused about the various types of submissives in the scene. Some aren’t aware that there is more than one way to be a sub. Others know there are multiple ways, but aren’t really sure what the difference is. And some… well, they like to gatekeep and say that submission only counts if you do it in the way they expect.

But the truth is… there are many different roles that fall under the header of submissive.

Read more: Let’s Talk About Service Subs

Probably the most common type, the type we see the most in films and books, is the bedroom submissive or pleasure submissive. While their submission doesn’t always take place in ‘the bedroom’, it is connected with their sexuality.

Often these are people who only submit when it comes to sexual matters. They like to be dominated, because it’s a turn on, and they restrict that kind of play from the rest of their lives. We see this the most, because people outside of the BDSM community find it comforting when they can tie these behaviors to sex.

If it’s for a kinky turn-on then it’s fine. If it’s because you struggle to keep control of your life without help and need someone to tell you what to do… then it’s not okay in their eyes. They don’t understand it. They don’t get it and frankly, without the sexy aspect it doesn’t appeal to their fantasies.

Brats are probably the next most common type of submissive. They definitely make you notice their presence and have a way of getting attention, but I think we can also blame the media for how much in our minds they are.

Think of all those early Hollywood movies and shows where the wife/girlfriend acts up until she finally gets spanked and then after she’s like a tame kitten.

I think some people imprinted on those shows like baby birds and now that’s their first go-to. For others it’s the easiest role to slip into, because in a lot of ways it’s like being a kid. An authority figure gives you rules, and manages your behavior by punishing you if you break them.

And yes, brats ARE submissives. You might not like them. You might find them annoying or frustrating because they don’t fill the role in the way you think is appropriate, but they do submit to Dominants, giving up control, and follow rules that are laid out for them—but I’ve already covered that here, so I’m not going to repeat it: Brats, Are They Subs or What?

But one type of submissive you don’t hear a lot about is the service sub. Partly that’s because, by their very nature, they are quietly going about their work and not making a fuss that has to be dealt with. Partly it’s because it’s a less ‘fun’ kind of submission, in that it requires the sub to do labor for the Dom.

Service subs are submissives who get joy and fulfillment from being of service (naturally) and they usually do this by completing tasks for their Dominant. Cooking, cleaning, errands, clerical work… anything the Dom needs really.

It’s not super sexy fun like a bedroom sub. It’s not being spoiled and pampered like a Little. It’s not being chased around with a paddle, like a brat. But it has its own charm for those who are called to that role. There’s something immensely pleasing about being able to serve your Dominant in a helpful way.

That doesn’t mean they don’t need the same kind of care that other submissives need—the spankings, the cuddling, the attention—it just means that for them service is an important part of their needs.

Dominants often find them very useful to have around, for obvious reasons. Most subs, even brats, like to be helpful now and then, but service submissives need to accomplish things for their Dominants in order to feel like they are being successful in their role.

And the role of a service submissive has a long history with the BDSM community, going all the way back to the early days of the gay leather culture. Some service sub roles were considered very important, like bootblacking.

A bootblack’s job is to care for the leather of their partner (partners) or any Dominants around, usually while the Doms are wearing the leather. It includes cleaning, polishing, shining up all the leather—not necessarily just boots, although that is a big part of it.

It’s not a menial task but one that takes a lot of skill and practice—and a deeply submissive and sometimes emotional way of pleasing a Dominant. Bootblacking is just as much of a scene as a flogging would be. The submissive can sink very deeply into the role as they complete the service.

It can be sexual and include worship, but it doesn’t have to and often it is completely nonsexual. The submissive is simply enjoying this task, while the Dominant enjoys having their leather cared for. It’s a beautiful and simple scene to watch. And there are still bootblacks around, not as many, but they are out there.

Service subs have also been known to take on other, fairly elaborate roles like butler or maid. While most Dominants aren’t sitting on the kind of wealth that would allow them to keep a full-time butler or maid in those formal roles of service, there are still plenty of opportunities for a submissive to fill those roles during parties or events.

Sometimes the parties are specially staged just so the butler or maid can show off their training.

Again, these ‘jobs’ can include sexual service, but they don’t have to, and often don’t. Service subs may expect good boy/girl rewards for their work and that can include sex (or not). Punishment is generally expected for mistakes, if the person you are serving has that authority over you.

And the reason I say ‘jobs’ in quotes isn’t because they aren’t real work, but because the service submissive generally is not paid anything. Their payment is the satisfaction of service, along with whatever praise or rewards they receive for it.

There are a few exceptions.

The role of service submissive is, above all, a scene role—not free labor. The amount of work they are given should not be onerous or exhausting. And you need to remember that this is a scene for them. They may need aftercare—which may be in the form of a reward or a scene of a different kind.

They clean your house, then you tie them up and flog them. They do your taxes and you reward them with praise and a pretty new collar.  Just because they are serving you, doesn’t mean you are meant to take without giving back in some way.

And while they can be helpful and useful, they are not slaves (except sometimes in the BDSM definition of slavery.)

For instance, if you are giving the submissive so much work that it precludes them having an actual paying job, then you should be supporting them fully. They take joy in serving… but they still have to eat. Expecting them to work a significant amount of time for free, while still trying to work to pay the bills is an abuse of their submission.

Even if they don’t feel comfortable taking your money, because they are submissives, you need to take care of them, as the Dominant. I’ve seen this situation abused more than once. But as an example—I knew a husband and wife where he was a Dom and she was a service submissive.

The Dom expected his submissive to clean the house daily, cook all the meals, do all the shopping and still hold a job and help pay the bills. Basically assuming that because she took ‘joy’ in those tasks, that she had unlimited energy to do them. So, of course, she should be responsible for doing everything in the house, including waiting on him hand and foot.

If she truly was happy with that and could stay home and do it… that would have been fine. It’s basically a stay-at-home parent/housewife situation and many do enjoy that.

But she worked as many hours as he did and then came home to have to do everything by herself and it burned her out pretty fast. They started fighting a lot because she was unhappy and tired, and he still kept expecting her to do everything because ‘You’re the submissive!’. In the end they worked it out where they started sharing the tasks 50/50, and stayed married, but the D/s dynamic died completely.

Submissives, no matter what kind they are, have limits and as the Dom you need to take care of them. So, while the submissive isn’t doing these things to get paid, in some circumstances payment is appropriate.

Another exception is for bootblacks. With bootblacking tips are often expected, but that’s because of the cost of the materials they use and need for their kit. Also, the bootblacking service at events sometimes has a fee, which they use as a fundraiser, and everything over supplies gets donated. So, expect that.

In the end a service submissive isn’t much different from any other submissive. They still need the Dominant to watch out for them. They may still need aftercare or punishment. Their submission must be respected and cherished.

The main difference is where the focus will lie in the dynamic. A brat’s needs are obvious. They need to be naughty to be happy. They’ll act up and expect you to make them behave. A brat wants to be forced to submit.

The bedroom submissive’s needs are also obvious. They need to be teased, aroused, and satisfied to be happy. They expect edging, and funishment. They want kink because it’s hot. They don’t need you to run their life, they just need you to add some excitement to it.

The service submissive’s needs are not always as apparent. That can make them harder to care for in some ways. You can’t think of them as an ‘easy’ sub, just because on the surface they don’t seem to need as much and will do things for you.

It’s true that a service sub can be a wonderful thing to have around. In fact, they need to be given tasks that they can complete to be useful. Which means the Dom can sometimes hand off tedious menial work to them. Having a subby maid stop by your house once a week to clean can be fantastic.

But it’s a mistake to think that they’ll get everything they need from the work itself. They are still a sub. You still have to be a Dom—the problem is that a service sub is less likely to be vocal about what they are lacking or needing.

Many of them struggle with feeling like a burden and being of help mitigates that. A lot of service subs are caretakers, the two often go together. But while they are taking care of everyone around them, including their Dom, and being useful/helpful they often neglect their own needs.

A Dom needs to be more proactive about keeping track of what’s going on with the service sub for that reason. A brat will let you know when they need attention. Service subs often don’t.

And sometimes it can be hard to find useful things for them to do. There might not be any tasks to give them, and since they need to feel useful, their mood can drop quickly if they feel like they aren’t needed. Doms can find themselves making work for them, to keep them busy.

When a service sub makes a mistake, it can be hard for them to get past it. They may struggle with feeling like a failure, so punishment might be essential to help them atone for the errors. But because they don’t want to ‘be a bother’ even the fact that you had to punish them, will make them feel bad.

So aftercare will mean working them through that. They will need a lot of reassurance and frequent reminders that are being good subs, and making life simpler for their Doms.

Not so ‘easy’ after all, right? Well, not if you’re domming them correctly anyway. Too many Dominants latch onto service subs and put them to work, and then just… sit back and enjoy having things done for them.

I’ve seen Doms act almost insulted when it’s pointed out to them that the person who just scrubbed their house, might be expecting some kind of attention or reward for doing it. I’m not sure if they really think nothing but the service is needed, or they are just pretending because they don’t want to their part of the work, but in most cases that’s very far from the truth.

Now, I will say that every relationship is unique. The terms you negotiate between you should spell out all the submissive’s needs clearly. The sub may need to be pushed to state those needs, but it’s necessary.

There are some few service subs who don’t want anything but to serve. There are even some who fetishize being ignored like a lowly servant beneath your notice. They want to do their work and then be dismissed, and that’s something that needs to come up when you are negotiating your dynamic.

A Dom and a service submissive is a partnership, where it can look like all the benefits are for the Dom. They are getting free work after all! But the reality is that, like any D/s dynamic, things need to be balanced on both sides.

Every kind of submissive has benefits and drawbacks. If you’re going to take on a service sub, you need to look beyond the ‘Cool, they’ll do my dishes for me!’ trappings, and be prepared to do your share of keeping the dynamic healthy, because they aren’t the housekeeping equivalent of a booty call… usually.

Many submissives don’t fit neatly into a cubbyhole that can be labeled. It’s easy to say, ‘a brat wants this’ and a ‘pleasure sub will need that’ but the reality is that people are more complicated than this.

Most submissives will identify as a specific role (or two) because that is their main focus, but often that’s just one side of them. A service submissive might also be a Little at times, or a brat. Or just a general submissive who doesn’t have the energy to do any specific service tasks.

Or, and this is important, just a partner who needs to step out of the D/s dynamic entirely at times. When you form a relationship with a submissive, no matter what type they are, you need to be prepared for a whole person– not a cardboard cutout that never changes.

Most of this article assumes a wider relationship with the service sub, but there are sometimes more limited relationships with very specific goals. When I said service subs aren’t the service equivalent of a booty call, I qualified that with a ‘usually’ because in some cases that might be exactly what they are.

As long as you are both in sync, aware of the type of relationship you have, and have negotiated the limits, then there is nothing wrong with that.

So, depending on your dynamic, they may only fill one role with you. Perhaps you have an agreement with a service sub that they will come to your house once a month to clean. While they are there, they might be punished if they miss something, but other than that they don’t want anything else from you.

Perhaps they want to serve you in some other way, but want to be degraded and humiliated while they do it. There are lots of different possibilities, and all of that’s fine as long as you both know what you’re getting into and have agreed to it.

For a limited type of dynamic things can be very simple, since you have specifically stated goals for your engagements. Any other subby needs they might have will be filled elsewhere. This is different from a standard D/s relationship which generally has a more inclusive field of interactions.

In other words when you take on a service sub as yours completely, in a closed relationship (monogamous), or even as their primary Dominant in a more open dynamic, they will almost certainly have other sides, and other needs besides service.

You cannot expect them to work for you like a robot and not need or want anything else, when you are the main person responsible for their well-being.

Service submissives can be useful, but if you neglect them… they will break, just like any other sub. So, make sure you are giving as much as you take.

Make sure their needs are being met and if they aren’t admitting to any needs then you need to monitor them to be sure they aren’t keeping things from you. The need to not be a bother will often overwhelm them otherwise.